Lost
by Mercury
Summary: Um...this is another depressing Daiken that takes up space. No, really, it's angsty and sad, involves death and yaoi. Um...based on a pretty vivid dream I had, most likely caused by late-night snacking and already being slightly depressed. And inside! Mee


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Gah, don't ask about this one. It's based pretty closely on a dream I had a couple of nights ago. It's Daiken (the first time I dreamed in Daiken!) again...one of my Kill-Of-Ken fics, I'm afraid. But it's almost exactly like in my dream.   
  
Time skips around a lot in this fic, gomen for that but that's how I dreamed it. It's still simple to follow, though.  
  
I don't own anything except the fic.  
  
Hey, one more thing! Now I have two people you can actually blame my crazy ideas on! Meet my muses! *pushes forward a baby dragon with a nametag that reads 'Liako' and a much more familiar face--Ken*  
  
Liako- Um, tell me again what we're doing?  
  
Ken- Being annoying and taking up room?  
  
Haa...yes, I have two muses with bad attitudes. Yes, Liako is my own creation! I happen to like being creative. ^^;; And yes I know I'm new to this whole muse buisness. (Am I doing this right??)  
  
Um....okay, we're *ahem* all three shutting up now so you can read.   
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'Lost'  
by Mercury  
  
  
During one cold, snowy winter in DigiWorld, on one especially frozen night, the beginning of a tragedy occured. Far from fellow DigiDestined, family, and Digimon, one Chosen Child was lost. Lost among the sleet and snow and frozen cold of a DigiWorld winter.  
  
He had no idea what to do to find his way back to the others, or to a computer, somewhere that he could get to that would eventually lead him homeward. He was, for once in his life, clueless. He couldn't figure it out. Not this time.  
  
It was only two weeks earlier he had been happily conversing with his newfound friends about what to buy certain people for Christmas. They had planned a shopping spree two days afterwards...but he had never shown up. Because he was lost, alone, and afraid.  
  
He had been walking for two weeks, never stopping except to eat things he knew were safe to eat in the strange world. But on the particularly snowy night, he had finally given up.   
  
He sat down on an ice-covered rock and pulled his thin jacket around him. 'If I can't keep walking,' he thought, 'I'll just rest for a while. There's no harm in that, and maybe Takeru or Daisuke or Miyako will find me. I can't be too far from a way home now.'  
  
There was no way he could know how wrong he was.  
  
He didn't know how long winter lasted in DigiWorld, but he figured it was either much longer or much shorter than in the real world. The latter would be convenient, unless the sun became too hot and gave him a heat stroke. The former, on the other hand, had no plusses that he could see.   
  
'Why haven't they found me yet?'  
  
His mind became clouded and slow that night, and this was part of the reason behind his tragedy the next morning.  
  
Snow was falling in such blizzard-like manners the next morning that he knew he had to seek shelter. He shielded his face from the cold, howling winds as much as was possible with his thin jacket. Within a short time, though, snow was caking in his black hair and the tears he couldn't help but cry were freezing as they ran down his face.  
  
His mind was so fogged that he couldn't even concentrate on where he was going, and soon stumbled over a small slope and fell face-first in the snow.   
  
'No...', he thought slowly, 'I am Ichijouji Ken. I can't die in DigiWorld. I should be able to figure this out...'  
  
However, all too soon he allowed the creeping darkness to take over his frozen body, and he closed his eyes, ready for sleep, unconsciousness, death...whatever the cold brought.  
  
~*~   
"Motomiya Daisuke!" Miyako shrieked. "Pay attention when I rant to you!"  
  
"Gomen, I was just...thinking," the goggle-wearing boy replied.   
  
Hikari giggled. "And what could be more important than Miyako's rants, Dai-san?"  
  
He frowned. "Do none of you care that one of us has been missing for nearly seven months? And to top it all off, this is the second time?"  
  
Miyako rolled her eyes. "Get over him, Daisuke. He's just a traitor and that's all there is to it."  
  
"What do you mean 'get over him'? I'm just worried, is all!"  
  
"Yeah, sure. I can tell a crush when I see it!"  
  
"A crush?!"  
  
Hikari stopped the argument quickly with a raised hand. "Daisuke, please, just admit it and get this over with."  
  
Daisuke hung his head. "What is it with girls and being able to figure out exaclty what I'm thinking?"  
  
"You're like an open book," Miyako laughed. "Anyway, I think it's sweet."  
  
"It won't be sweet if he's dead in the DigiWorld somewhere." Daisuke gave them both a glare. "Why can't we just go look for him?"  
  
"Because there's been blizzards every day for the past eight months there," Hikari stated firmly.  
  
"There has?!"  
  
Miyako poked Hikari's arm. "That was the wrong thing to say," she whispered. To Daisuke, she said, "Don't worry! He's smart; he can take care of himself."  
  
But Daisuke had already grabbed his D-3 and was about to open the DigiPort in the computer behind him.  
  
~*~  
"Ken! Ken, where are you?"  
  
The children's voices called out through the storm, but not near loudly enough to break the barrier of the howling wind.  
  
If Hikari hadn't stumbled down a slope in the ground and pushed away a mound of snow, they probably wouldn't have ever found him. But there he was, lying face-first in snow that around him was blood red.   
  
"Oh...my..." Daisuke whispered. The two girls looked at him slowly.  
  
Hikari bent over Ken and was seemingly trying to figure out if they should move him or not. His hair, his clothes, everything about him was caked in icey slush.  
  
"I wonder how long he's been like that?" Miyako said quietly.  
  
Daisuke kneeled beside him on the side opposite Hikari. He looked at her sadly. "You guys go get help. I'll stay here."  
  
The girls exchanged glances, then set off to go back home and find someone who could help.  
  
"Ken...I tried to tell them you'd be hurt somewhere," Daisuke murmured softly. "I tried to get them to help you." He gently rolled Ken onto his back. He gasped when he saw the young genius covered in blood and paler than the snow he laid in.  
  
Daisuke quickly removed his two jackets and large coat and threw them over Ken in a futile attempt to warm him up. He couldn't believe that all this pain had been inflicted on such a...such a beautiful person.  
  
"Ken, please. You have to be okay. I don't know how long you've been here, but I just don't think I could stand it if you die from this."  
  
The only reply he got was the wind whipping through the frozen boy's hair.  
  
~*~  
"Daisuke! Wake up!"  
  
Daisuke's eyes sprung open to see Miyako and Jyou standing in front of him.  
  
"Jyou? Miya-san? Did I fall asleep?"  
  
Miyako rolled her eyes as Jyou picked up Ken's stiff body. "Hai," she said quietly. "We were gone for a long time. Come on, we have to get Ken to a hospital. Jyou says he's still alive, but just barely."  
  
Daisuke nodded and stood up to follow them back home.  
  
After they had walked, first in the DigiWorld and then in the real world, for a good length of time, they made it to the hospital. Jyou was the one dubbed to carry Ken the whole way, but as he kept telling the other two, Ken was extremely lightweight.  
  
Miyako had gone to call Ken's parents and Jyou had gone in the emergency room with the other doctor--leaving Daisuke alone with his thoughts and fears.  
  
If the distraught boy hadn't been facing in her direction, he would not have noticed Hikari sit beside him and give him a worried look.  
  
"Is...everything okay?" she asked calmly.  
  
"No." Daisuke fought back his tears.  
  
Hikari touched his shoulder sympathetically. "I know you really like Ken and everything, Daisuke, but why is it you're really acting this way?"  
  
"I wanted to...have a chance to tell him."  
  
"That's what I thought."  
  
"You're psychic, 'Kari."  
  
She smiled at her nickname. "Sometimes I feel like I can read people so well, and sometimes I can't get through their hard exterior to the sweet person inside."  
  
Daisuke glanced at her. "You're reading my mind again."  
  
She laughed softly. "Well...I don't mean to. Tell me, did Jyou say anything about Ken's condition?"  
  
"Just that he's barely alive."  
  
"That's better than barely dead."  
  
"What a way to look at it, Hikari." Daisuke leaned back against the chair he sat in and closed his eyes. "I'm tired. I think I need a nap."  
  
"I think you need to let yourself cry," Hikari whispered back. She nodded in self-apprieciation when she saw tears trickling from his closed eyes. "You have to give in sometimes."  
  
~*~  
Daisuke smiled. A month and a half since the fateful day he had found Ken nearly dead in DigiWorld, and now they could finally visit the former kaizer at the hospital.  
  
The brunette took a few deep breaths and knocked twice on the door to Ken's room. After a moment in which nothing happened, he slowly cracked the door open.  
  
A single lamp was on beside Ken's bed, giving off only enough light that Ken could read--and Daisuke could see him clearly.   
  
He was sitting up, which was something the doctors had all thought impossible for weeks. He was reading a thick book, also something of a miracle. But his face was still pale and his eyes looked like he could fall asleep at any second.  
  
"Ken?" Davis called. "Ken, can you hear me?" He had no response until he sat in the wooden chair beside the bed.  
  
Ken jumped, apparently startled that someone was in the room. He looked at Daisuke for a minute and cocked his head.  
  
"Can you hear me?" Daisuke asked more slowly.  
  
"I...something...weird..." Ken choked. He struggled to make his point clear to the other boy, but realized that it was no use. He turned away from him on the bed and sobbed freely.  
  
"Ken..." Daisuke whispered. "What happened?"  
  
"Lost!" Ken cried. "Ignored...cold."  
  
"We weren't ignoring you, Ken. I tried to tell the others for months that you were probably hurt somewhere, but they all thought it was just because of my crush that I--" He stopped mid-sentence.  
  
Ken rolled back over to face him, with tears still running from his dark purple eyes. "Crush?" he said quietly.  
  
"It's more than that, now, Ken. It's..."  
  
Ken looked him in the eyes. "Love?"  
  
Daisuke nodded slowly. "Hai. Love."  
  
Ken smiled and put his book on the table beside his bed. "What....is....happening?"  
  
'Well, at least it was a sentence,' Daisuke thought. 'Just not one I want to answer.'  
  
To Ken he replied, "I'm not really sure. The doctors said you might not ever be the same again from this. It's like your brain froze or something. You won't be able to make much sense, and you won't understand things as much. They also said your hearing and vision might be bad."  
  
Ken began crying again, this time not bothering to roll away from Daisuke. "Help..." he sobbed. "Please."  
  
"I can't help you, Ken. I'm so sorry." Daisuke pulled Ken into a tight hug and let him cry.  
  
"Don't....let me....die here," Ken forced himself to beg. "Stuffy....hospital."  
  
"Where do you want to go?" Daisuke asked him.  
  
"Home."  
  
"Okay then. I'll make them let you go home."  
  
Ken sighed from his position in Daisuke's arms, a sigh of both relief that his love wouldn't let him die in the bland hospital and frustration that he couldn't make hardly any sense.  
  
Daisuke was relishing in the fact that Ken was looking to him for help. He held the thin boy tightly while he cried, and hummed softly until his love fell asleep.  
  
~*~  
"Okay, Ken-chan, take it slowly and I'll help you," Daisuke comented as Ken tried to coordinate himself enough to walk up the steps to his bedroom at home.  
  
"Can't...do this," Ken remarked.  
  
"Yes you can. Come on, walk slowly."  
  
"No! Hurts!"  
  
Daisuke sighed. He had tried over the past week to get used to Ken's helplessness. He had been able to learn how to decipher what the injured boy tried to tell him, but he had yet to keep from getting frustrated when Ken couldn't do simple things--like walk up steps.  
  
"Allright, Ken, stop for a minute and catch your breath. You're making this harder than it has to be."  
  
Ken whimpered. Daisuke nearly melted at the pitiful sound coming from the throat of someone who used to have such great power and intelligence.  
  
After a moment, Ken forced himself up the last few steps to the top floor of his home. But he collapsed, falling to the floor before he made it to his room.  
  
"Ken! Are you okay?" Daisuke asked.  
  
Ken nodded and sat up on the floor. "Tired," he said. "But happy."  
  
"Are you happy to be home?"  
  
"Hai...and to...have you." He smiled a somewhat pained smile at Daisuke, who in turn was about to become a little puddle of melted human on the floor.  
  
Ken kissed him quickly and then began trying to stand up again. Daisuke felt renewed again with that simple kiss, and quickly got over his frustration at Ken.  
  
When the two finally made it to Ken's room, and he was lying peacefully in his bed nearly asleep, Daisuke realized something that scared him beyond belief. He hadn't really let it sink in until then, but he knew it all along: Ken would never get better.  
  
He wiped away tears from his eyes as he watched Ken quickly fall asleep. Jyou had been the one to break the bad news to them. Ken would either live a few more years in pain or he would die soon. Either way, he suffered, and Daisuke didn't enjoy that fact at all.  
  
"I...I love you, Ken," he whispered. "I know I've told you that and I've shown you that, but I just don't want you to forget."  
  
A moment later, Ken sat up suddenly, wheezing and sputtering.  
  
"Ken?" Daisuke was immediately at his side.  
  
"Scared..." Ken wailed through his coughs.   
  
"Why are you scared? Ken, what's wrong?"  
  
"...Scared...of dying."  
  
Ken's eyes were nearly shut but Daisuke could see tears welling up in them, obstructing the amethyst with their wetness.  
  
"Why are you crying?" he asked gently. If he had learned nothing else from this experience, he learned that he had to be gentle with Ken. A fragile spirit, that's the way he thought about Ken.  
  
"I...." Ken couldn't form the rest of his words, so he growled and beat his fist against the nearest object in frustration. Unfortunately, the nearest object was Daisuke.  
  
Ken didn't seem to notice that he had just punched Daisuke in the stomach, so Daisuke didn't say anything about it. He gasped for breath a couple of times, then hugged Ken.  
  
"Don't get so frustrated, Ken-chan," he whispered. "You're trying, and that's all that really matters."  
  
"Dying..." Ken moaned. "Right now." He shuddered.   
  
"No, Ken, you can't--" Daisuke started.  
  
Ken's moaning grew louder. "Gomen...Dai!" he cried. "...Afraid."  
  
"Don't be. Be brave, Ken."  
  
It was the last thing Ken ever heard.  
  
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Yep, that's how it ends. Depressing, ne? And to think I dreamed that. *shudder* I scare myself. Hey, I noticed last time I put up a fic that I have hit the 20 mark! Go me! ^-^  
  
Ken- ....Can't you write one fic about me and Daisuke where I don't die?  
  
Shut up, you're still a new muse and I still don't know if you and Liako-san are even acting like muses! Oh, the agony! The torture! The despair! The...wonderful things you get to discover when you write fanfiction. ^-^  
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